Isolated
Do I blame myself for this?
I don’t believe in placing blame
Anymore because it solves nothing!
Endless shifts in my life
That I can’t control come
So I ride the waves and try to stay
Above it all,
But, I feel banished
And forgotten daily,
In an awful place where
I am left alone to
Somehow exist on my meager
Wages,
Desperation often taking over
Inside my head,
Trying to gain some insight
Through meditation, writing, and reading
With the silence hugging me
And comforting me against the attacks
Of life,
It all must have some kind of limit,
Or maybe, it didn’t at times,
I feel myself coming undone
With this,
So farfetched into dark days and nights,
Every movement feels wrong to me.
My foundation creaks and moves on its
Own without warning,
I am restless and angry at the same moment,
I surround myself with books,
I think about being ancient and so alone,
Gossip makes me wilt inside,
Ominous noises and the weight of life,
Making me so desperate to change anything
To take it away,
Panic flows through me as I roam from one
Thing to another,
My tattered soul so weary and searching for
More from this life,
Trying to prevent from being too much to bear,
My psyche thick with sadness,
As I visit my music haunts for some
Guitar music that only comes to me
On Instagram and Facebook,
Trauma overcomes me sometimes,
I seek for my passion to overwhelm me
With happiness and chase away the blues.
That immediacy of such closeness
With me stunned by it,
Bodies and minds finding each other
In a dance of sunshine and beauty,
Wanting a bond and a real dedication
To love with each other,
To unhinge this feeling of lost floating
In a universe of blackness,
But, there was not one thing I could do
To save him,
As my ego became crushed with it,
All brave thoughts are gone,
Untethered fear still remains for him
And his lost soul,
He had entered my heart through
A big crevice
And found the opening
Where I really remained,
Hid from others,
His chance to bring warmth to me,
He brought a river of peace to me,
Something I sought all my life,
I felt loved,
His solid presence kept me
With him,
But it did not last long,
Revelations came to the surface.
My lost borders were making me
Heavy with fear,
I looked for strength and guidance,
My gratitude pulling me on,
I had wanted us to find our way together
Forever. –J. E. Cook © 2019
This will be read on The Dear John Show on October 6th so join me for this live broadcast and listen to this one live along with many other poems covering a variety of subject matter. Wonderful poetry readings of poets’ works from around the world, live on Facebook. With Christine Barker, Beth Evans, Chris Edridge Your Host, John Kavanagh.
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